Confident Fool

You know what is funny.  I will tell you.  Getting an email from your cable provider thanking you for renting a movie in the middle of a workday.  Not funny you say?  Well the funny comes into play when your husband tells you he has a super busy day at work from the couch where he sits basically immobile as you chase your toddler   in an attempt to get shoes and a coat on him so you can go to work.  The same toddler who woke up today having decided pre crib exit to reenact a scene from Where the Wild Things Are.  This child is really pulling out all the stops and throwing himself into character.  He most definitely has star quality.    This same husband then emails you, most likely as he leisurely lounges on the couch alone with his laptop, coffee and deep thoughts to say he cannot pick up your child at the standard time because he has a meeting with his boss so you offer to do  it for him.  Did I mention that I am in the office today and not at  home to rent and\or watch a movie.  Yeah I have that husband.  Oh the joys of a job in sales (for him)

I could poke him but I have decided that I am going to give my dearly beloved  a pass on this one because I know he is teetering  on the edge of a dark depression given large amount of snow storms in the Greater Boston area over the past month.  He is jonesing for golf as much as I am in need of some fresh air and time outside the confines of  our home.  Together we are an irritable couple with self diagnosed seasonal effective disorder.  I am also a generous wife

Disclaimer that I will fully poke the bear if I arrive at home tonight to a messy house.  I spent 40 prime pre-work minutes this morning cleaning up our disgusting kitchen which was covered with rice and Sheppard’s pie leftovers, wine bottles, ice cream bowls and punctuated with used Kcups leaking stale coffee drippings on my granite.   If you are picturing a scene from the movie Animal House you are right there in the zone.   I cleaned the kitchen because I had no room otherwise to prep dinner for this evening which I did and loaded in the crock pot before I left for work.  ****Cue I’M Every Woman theme song****  I am strangely not livid which would have previously been my response to such slovenly behavior if it were not for my own foggy depression.  But I can guarantee you I will be spiking from zero to 60 on the anger scale if I have to lift a manicured finger to clean one mess left by his laziness today. One errant water bottle or sock on the floor and he is a goner.

At times my life can be prescriptive.  You know get up, coffee, feed animals, pick up husband’s crap scattered across the living room slash couch/bed, pack lunches, laundry, wake child, change nasty diaper, turn on mind numbing Thomas the Train cartoon, provide milk sippy,  drive to daycare, drive to work, rinse and repeat with the occasional trip to the gym and a glass or two of wine thrown in.  Given this set of regular circumstances at times I need to reach for content.  I find this content in various messaging systems.  Instant messages.  Text Messages.  Mixed Messages.  You get the idea.

The weather in the greater Boston area has reached suicidal status on my internal depression meter so much that my own witty insightful content creations are hibernating or have decided to migrate south.  With that said here are some adventures in messaging.
For your viewing pleasure a text message sequence received by me  from a complete stranger: (disclaimer I usually subscribe to the theories of don’t engage crazy and  don’t publish anything you wouldn’t want your boss or mom to see but I couldn’t help but poke the bear with this grammar lacking DB).

Stranger: Hey:)

Me: Who is this?

Stranger:Cute Andy. LOL.  Like my pics? (no pictures attached than jeeezus)

Me: I have no idea who this is

Popping the collar on  my holier than thou attitude

Me: Please stop texting me

Stranger: Whatever Stuck Up

Oh no he didn’t Ally McBealing a virtual slap in my head.  Lets play little DB. I got 5 minutes to kill.

Me: You got that one right cray cray.

Stranger: Stop textn me! u tell me to stop txtn u So stop txtn me trick!

Re-read that one a few times.  I could be taken so many way given the lack of punctuation and actual words. I took me a moment to process.

Me: Such a solid grasp of the English language.  Why don’t you re index your calendar to shift your free cycles to education and away from grammatically abominable texting to stranger.

What it sounded so much cooler and less mom-like in my head and I trigger texted so I couldn’t take it back.

Stranger: Bitch don’t play with me.

Me: YOLO

Thus rounding out today’s tour of the Urban Dictionary.

**Personal note to self: Do not allow your son to use text language.  He will never get the smart back**

And in closing here is the DB’s contact info for anyone who wants to have their own personal adventures in texting.  I promise the experience will leave you with a euphoric feeling of superior intelligence.

PHONE NUMBER OF COMPLETE STRANGER WHO FELT COMPELLED TO TEXT ME BULLSHIT.

715-299-299-8941

Blogging like a boss.  I have been looking to integrate that Meme saying into my repertoire and that is it.  30 something spouting Meme’s wow it is really time to hang up the gloves on the hipster status.  I think I am pretty far past my expiration date on that one.

Details:

30 “Something”

Married

Mom

Reality check in 3 – 2 – 1……..
So completely not a boss blogger considering I haven’t posted in a year.  But I think I might just charge up the battery on this and get er going again.  Lookout!! (Said in the southern drawl of Mater).  A lot has happened in the past year so time for a lightening recap.  I am the mother of an toddler.  No longer a cute sweet smelling nugget of baby goodness but a full fledged moving, opinionated, tantrum throwing, amazingly gorgeous little man.  I have changed careers from a field I was positioned in since my early 20′s.  It is a completely new discipline that I am always in the midst of training on.  And on the some things never change tip…..I am still on a perpetual diet and married to a man who drives me insane at minimum once per day.

Life is sweet.

The other morning after running through what seemed to be the millionth item on my morning checklist I sort of short circuited.  My rath, directed at a stool used for accessing the higher cabinets in my kitchen.  I got up that morning at my normal time of 4:30am and started in on the daily tasks.  Here is a timeline for any given weekday:

4:30am

• Hit Snooze

4:40am

• Actually get out of bed

4:42-7am

1. Trip over dogs going downstairs cursing the sound of paws on hardwood stairs outside baby’s room.
2. Check downstairs monitor to make sure dogs careening down stairs did not wake baby.
3. Let dogs outside.
4. Let dogs inside.
5. Feed Dogs.
6. Feed Cat.
7. Change Litterbox.
8. Wrestle cat who is akin to greased pig  to adminster thyroid medicine.
9. Check\Pack daycare bag.
10. Wash extra bottle for daycare bag.
11. Put laptop in Bag.
12. Unplug phone put in purse.
13. Put all necesary bags on counter so as not to forget.
14. Clean dishes in sink.
15. Take a shower.
16. Lotion Face.
17. Dry Hair.
18. Walk each dog separately so there is peace in the universe.
19. Make cup of coffee.
20. Make bottle while coffee dispenses.
21. Go upstairs turn on Fox News.
22. Make bed.
23. Pull out clothes in which to wear to work.
24. Take approximately 2 sips of coffee.
25. Greet smiling baby.
26. Change happiest morning baby on earth.
27. Feed happiest morning baby on earth.
28. Play with baby\Tummy Time.
29. Put baby on play mat\gym.
30. Flat iron hair for approximatley 2 minutes 15 seconds.
31. Attempt to apply makeup.
32. Get dressed.
33. Get baby dressed.
34. Bring baby downstairs hand to dad for morning greeting.
35. Run all bags into the car.
36. Get baby into carseat.
37. Head out for the day.

Wow I can really say that I do 37 things before I even leave the house.  A few mornings ago I ran back in to grab my sunglasses which would add #38 to the list and I slipped on my kitchen floor and almost fell.  Notice I said “almost” although this fact did nothing to quell my rage for while I was grasping at objects to break my fall I used the doorknob as leverage which swung the door into the cabinet knocking our step stool off its hook.  At which time I promptly kicked the stool like a football sending it sailing past a dog and into the adjasent wall.  I them mumbled something about “having had it” (a popular phrase in my repertoire lately) and stormed out of the house.

I have been mulling this breakdown incident over in my head and I have come up with the conclusion that something has to give.  I have now started mental list #567 to think of things I can cut out or add that are for me only.  So far I have 1 – exercise and 2 – buy trough to hold months worth of food for dog and cats to allow them to serve themselves  survival of the fittest style….that is what is great about mental lists, they are like a whiteboard you can write what you want and then strike it out still feeling satisfied for having gotten the thought down. On to the next day

I have been thinking about it ever since and have come up with the latest epiphany that I need to do a few things that are for me.  In that I mean just for me.

So I have been back to work for four weeks and clearly neglecting this blog for far longer.  I sadly think I need to attribute the lack of posts to adult ADD.  I often find myself mid-way through something that I feel blogworthy only to be bored myself before I actually hit publish.  I will try to work on that.

The transition back to work has been different than what I expected.  Harder in some ways and easier in others.  I am officially a working mom which in and of itself is difficult for me to wrap my head around.  What hasn’t changed is my need to excel in my career.  What is new is that I have the same exact feeling when it comes to parenting, I want to be super parent.   My personal capacity has expanded far past any threshold I had previously set for myself.  The fact that I am keeping up 90% of the time I think is pretty stellar.  It  helps that I have given birth to the Valedictorian of nightime sleeping.   11-12 hours a night folks which is pretty freaking unbelievable.  Already an overacheiver,  I want to get Jacky used to words that will become part of his everyday vernacular like Valedictorian and CEO (as in mom is the CEO of the house).   Here is a recap of my experience one month in.

Week 1 was tough.  I eased myself in to leaving Jacky at daycare a few hours a day the week before so the initial drop off was not as difficult as it could have been.  I set personal and professional goals for myself.   Wear clothes you feel stylish\cute in every day, lay them out the night before  and organize the past 11 weeks work of email within and inch of its life.  I achieved both of these.  Thank you Ann Taylor Loft and Microsoft One Note.

Week 2 was harder than week one.  D got sick which can make things tricky.  I seriously cannot comprehend how single parents manage.  I am not too proud to admit I need help.  I was going along fine until I had an all day meeting that prevented me from seeing my little guy in the morning then subsequently it rained, traffic sucked worse than usual and I rolled in to find Jack already asleep.  I continued the cry fest that I began around the 1.5 hour mark in the car when I realized the enevitable.  It was the first day since he was born I had not seen my son awake.  That folks as hokey as it may sound crushed me.

Week 3 was a logistical nightmare.  We had a freakishly early snowstorm in the Boston area which knocked the power out in a lot of areas.  No power with and infant opens a whole slew of new issues that I had never dealt with.  We were without power for three days which included various treking around to the houses of friends\family and hotels.  I felt like an angry travelling gypsy.   The kind with a stockpile of crap which included half the stock of  Babies r US but sadly did not include two matching adult shoes for mom.  Between the baby, the dogs, cat I was completely thrown for a loop without my normal organization not to mention the fact that our daycare also was without power.  Lesson learned: Buy a generator or run the risk of looking like something out of a Shel Silverstein book of stories.

Week 4 I overcame a stress induced cold (thank you week 3) and really started to dig in at work.  I am super busy which is making time fly.  This is good and bad as I am finding when you are a parent.   I feel like I am missing things but being busy doesn’t afford me the time to obsess.  I guess it does afford me the time to throw in a quick blog entry.  We shall see how the rest of this week turns out.

Next up how to incorporate exercise into my new lifestyle.  A question that as of now has no answer.  Now on to the real reason you came here.  Gratuitous pictures of my adorable baby, the Valedictorian of night time sleeping affectionately known as Jacky-Moon Beam  

Someone thinks he is a tough guy……..

It is a new day. I have always loved Steve Jobs’ speech at the 2005 Stanford commencement. Google it if you have never heard it. Trust me it is worth the time to listen, absorb and listen again. Today the day of his passing it is all the more important. I am moved as I sit typing to the vast interweb from my iPad, an invention that may never have been without his vision, brilliance and innovation.

Big changes are going to be happening in my little corner of the world so stay tuned. I plan to keep snippets of this speech in mind as I forge ahead and plot my course……”Find what you love to do; Do not stop; Do not settle”

In parting “Stay hungry, stay foolish”

Here are a few pictures of our nursery.  Our A-Frame house has a lot of different woods as you can see so I tried to accentuate them.  I love the nooks and crannies and uniqeness of the bedrooms.  Working with 18 foot ceilings can be tough so I tried to subtly fill the open space.  I was trying to balance “baby boy” with a calm vibe.  My favorite things in the whole room are the Etsy Eye Charts that spell out the first two verses of “You are my sunshine” which my mom sang to me as a child and the canvas print of my the dogs in the corner that conceals the old wall AC.

Sadly I have been all drafts and no posts. Well I am breaking the curse. I am currently sitting in our new nursery, iPad in hand balanced on a boppy in the only position I am remotely comfortable in which is semi reclined. We bought a Best Chair for our little guy’s room and so far I can say it rocks as in ridiculously comfy especially at 37 weeks pregnant.

That’s right I am 37 weeks pregnant! I almost can’t believe it. I started getting really uncomfortable about a week ago and the trend has continued since. Everything they say about the end is true, not pleasant. I am in the home stretch. I won’t detail all my discomforts but I will say I am REALLY looking forward to being able to move like myself again. Getting winded bending over and walking slower than the elderly are the norm these days not to mention shooting pains that freeze you in your tracks. It’s not exactly easy to conceal when at work but I still try like hell. I have been working full time up until last week. I modified my hours to work half days from home. So far I don’t have it quite worked out because once I get in the office it is hard to leave and working at home creates longer days. I am grateful for the flexibility.

D and I took bets on when Jack will make his debut. His guess is July 5th and he will weigh in at 7.5lbs. My guess is July 10th and he will be 8.2lbs. My due date is July 12th, any guesses?

As I sit here typing I have a fan blowing on my face in hopes that it might cool me off both externally and internally.  I have resorted to viewing people’s blogs with adorable tots and such to brighten my mood.

Today as it has often been said I am in the weeds.  I am surrounded by broken technology and a line of people who “need” something.  My staff is off-sight working on a big project so I am manning the ship.  Today that ship feels like the Titanic.  Days like this don’t happen often to me but they do crop up from time to time. I usually do a pretty good job of managing through the stress but today I have been teetering closer to the edge than I would like to be.  It has been a sustained stress since about 5am which I can bet is not good for the baby.

I am a list person so I will go with that. 

Here is my list of recent happy things:

I passed my Glucose test last week with numbers of a very healthy non-pregnant person.  I squealed with glee and replayed the vm from the nurse to my girlfriends at a lunch on Friday.

The baby’s room is coming together.  It has been painted, a bookcase has been built and this super cute rug (in greens) has arrived.  I have a nice camera who I bought from a Nestie friend that I need to put to better use and take pictures of the progress.

I had a great workout on Sunday.  I felt strong and happy during the whole thing.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I am hoping to be out of the swamp and back to myself.

Let me count the ways in list format until I have time to expand on these concepts

My blood pressure is back down to the normal range and I lost 4lbs….woot woot! 

Nursery furniture and bedding has been ordered!

My house is pretty near spotless, like even the creepy closets that are generally stuffed with the unknown!

Extreme couponing is premering this week.  I am fascinated which is saying a lot given that I am not yet a member of coupon nation.  Maybe this will convert me.

And it is only Tuesday.  Bring it on the rest of the week!