Confident Fool

So I have been back to work for four weeks and clearly neglecting this blog for far longer.  I sadly think I need to attribute the lack of posts to adult ADD.  I often find myself mid-way through something that I feel blogworthy only to be bored myself before I actually hit publish.  I will try to work on that.

The transition back to work has been different than what I expected.  Harder in some ways and easier in others.  I am officially a working mom which in and of itself is difficult for me to wrap my head around.  What hasn’t changed is my need to excel in my career.  What is new is that I have the same exact feeling when it comes to parenting, I want to be super parent.   My personal capacity has expanded far past any threshold I had previously set for myself.  The fact that I am keeping up 90% of the time I think is pretty stellar.  It  helps that I have given birth to the Valedictorian of nightime sleeping.   11-12 hours a night folks which is pretty freaking unbelievable.  Already an overacheiver,  I want to get Jacky used to words that will become part of his everyday vernacular like Valedictorian and CEO (as in mom is the CEO of the house).   Here is a recap of my experience one month in.

Week 1 was tough.  I eased myself in to leaving Jacky at daycare a few hours a day the week before so the initial drop off was not as difficult as it could have been.  I set personal and professional goals for myself.   Wear clothes you feel stylish\cute in every day, lay them out the night before  and organize the past 11 weeks work of email within and inch of its life.  I achieved both of these.  Thank you Ann Taylor Loft and Microsoft One Note.

Week 2 was harder than week one.  D got sick which can make things tricky.  I seriously cannot comprehend how single parents manage.  I am not too proud to admit I need help.  I was going along fine until I had an all day meeting that prevented me from seeing my little guy in the morning then subsequently it rained, traffic sucked worse than usual and I rolled in to find Jack already asleep.  I continued the cry fest that I began around the 1.5 hour mark in the car when I realized the enevitable.  It was the first day since he was born I had not seen my son awake.  That folks as hokey as it may sound crushed me.

Week 3 was a logistical nightmare.  We had a freakishly early snowstorm in the Boston area which knocked the power out in a lot of areas.  No power with and infant opens a whole slew of new issues that I had never dealt with.  We were without power for three days which included various treking around to the houses of friends\family and hotels.  I felt like an angry travelling gypsy.   The kind with a stockpile of crap which included half the stock of  Babies r US but sadly did not include two matching adult shoes for mom.  Between the baby, the dogs, cat I was completely thrown for a loop without my normal organization not to mention the fact that our daycare also was without power.  Lesson learned: Buy a generator or run the risk of looking like something out of a Shel Silverstein book of stories.

Week 4 I overcame a stress induced cold (thank you week 3) and really started to dig in at work.  I am super busy which is making time fly.  This is good and bad as I am finding when you are a parent.   I feel like I am missing things but being busy doesn’t afford me the time to obsess.  I guess it does afford me the time to throw in a quick blog entry.  We shall see how the rest of this week turns out.

Next up how to incorporate exercise into my new lifestyle.  A question that as of now has no answer.  Now on to the real reason you came here.  Gratuitous pictures of my adorable baby, the Valedictorian of night time sleeping affectionately known as Jacky-Moon Beam  

Someone thinks he is a tough guy……..

It is a new day. I have always loved Steve Jobs’ speech at the 2005 Stanford commencement. Google it if you have never heard it. Trust me it is worth the time to listen, absorb and listen again. Today the day of his passing it is all the more important. I am moved as I sit typing to the vast interweb from my iPad, an invention that may never have been without his vision, brilliance and innovation.

Big changes are going to be happening in my little corner of the world so stay tuned. I plan to keep snippets of this speech in mind as I forge ahead and plot my course……”Find what you love to do; Do not stop; Do not settle”

In parting “Stay hungry, stay foolish”

Here are a few pictures of our nursery.  Our A-Frame house has a lot of different woods as you can see so I tried to accentuate them.  I love the nooks and crannies and uniqeness of the bedrooms.  Working with 18 foot ceilings can be tough so I tried to subtly fill the open space.  I was trying to balance “baby boy” with a calm vibe.  My favorite things in the whole room are the Etsy Eye Charts that spell out the first two verses of “You are my sunshine” which my mom sang to me as a child and the canvas print of my the dogs in the corner that conceals the old wall AC.

Sadly I have been all drafts and no posts. Well I am breaking the curse. I am currently sitting in our new nursery, iPad in hand balanced on a boppy in the only position I am remotely comfortable in which is semi reclined. We bought a Best Chair for our little guy’s room and so far I can say it rocks as in ridiculously comfy especially at 37 weeks pregnant.

That’s right I am 37 weeks pregnant! I almost can’t believe it. I started getting really uncomfortable about a week ago and the trend has continued since. Everything they say about the end is true, not pleasant. I am in the home stretch. I won’t detail all my discomforts but I will say I am REALLY looking forward to being able to move like myself again. Getting winded bending over and walking slower than the elderly are the norm these days not to mention shooting pains that freeze you in your tracks. It’s not exactly easy to conceal when at work but I still try like hell. I have been working full time up until last week. I modified my hours to work half days from home. So far I don’t have it quite worked out because once I get in the office it is hard to leave and working at home creates longer days. I am grateful for the flexibility.

D and I took bets on when Jack will make his debut. His guess is July 5th and he will weigh in at 7.5lbs. My guess is July 10th and he will be 8.2lbs. My due date is July 12th, any guesses?

As I sit here typing I have a fan blowing on my face in hopes that it might cool me off both externally and internally.  I have resorted to viewing people’s blogs with adorable tots and such to brighten my mood.

Today as it has often been said I am in the weeds.  I am surrounded by broken technology and a line of people who “need” something.  My staff is off-sight working on a big project so I am manning the ship.  Today that ship feels like the Titanic.  Days like this don’t happen often to me but they do crop up from time to time. I usually do a pretty good job of managing through the stress but today I have been teetering closer to the edge than I would like to be.  It has been a sustained stress since about 5am which I can bet is not good for the baby.

I am a list person so I will go with that. 

Here is my list of recent happy things:

I passed my Glucose test last week with numbers of a very healthy non-pregnant person.  I squealed with glee and replayed the vm from the nurse to my girlfriends at a lunch on Friday.

The baby’s room is coming together.  It has been painted, a bookcase has been built and this super cute rug (in greens) has arrived.  I have a nice camera who I bought from a Nestie friend that I need to put to better use and take pictures of the progress.

I had a great workout on Sunday.  I felt strong and happy during the whole thing.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I am hoping to be out of the swamp and back to myself.

Let me count the ways in list format until I have time to expand on these concepts

My blood pressure is back down to the normal range and I lost 4lbs….woot woot! 

Nursery furniture and bedding has been ordered!

My house is pretty near spotless, like even the creepy closets that are generally stuffed with the unknown!

Extreme couponing is premering this week.  I am fascinated which is saying a lot given that I am not yet a member of coupon nation.  Maybe this will convert me.

And it is only Tuesday.  Bring it on the rest of the week!

Its official.  I have gone over to the dark side.   I am wearing black yoga pants and a hoodie to work.

I could try to justify it due to the craptacular weather in the greater Boston area or that I am pregnant.  But the truth is I just wanted to be comfortable today and I am.  I am also not the least bit guilty

Yesterday was one of those days that I realized I married the right man.  I am also grateful that I live in the greater Boston area and have access to top notch medical care.
Monday was a bad day for me.  I was feeling off and grouchy.  Tuesday I had a doctor’s check in appointment and was expecting to breeze in and out except that didn’t happen…..

My blood pressure was through the roof and the doctor sent me over to the hospital to monitor the baby and test me for preeclampsia (or pregnancy induced hypertension).  It was ridiculously high to where I normally am.  I tried calling D and then just decided to text him that I was being monitored and it was not an emergency.  I wound up being at the hospital for a couple of hours and get some blood work and other tests done all checking for the pre-e condition.  They monitored our little bug for the whole time so it was nice to hear his heartbeat and all the flips and dips.  Luckily for me all the test came back negative for now which does not mean I won’t have issues with this going forward.  I am getting rechecked next week.  When D hadn’t heard from me for a couple of hours he got nervous and figured if they were sending me to the hospital here probably was an issue.  He started to track me down via the hospital and found out I was admitted.  He was freaking out but we finally connected and I gave him the update.  I then proceeded on my drive into the office to unload on him over the phone that I am completely overwhelmed with the condition of our house.  I am a true creature of my surroundings so if where I live\work is chaotic I get anxious.   I feel like some of the rooms that are normally disorganized were borderline a Hoarders episode.  I think it is a combination of the clutter, hormones and anxiety of the pending addition to our family has pushed me over the edge.  I literally wake up in the middle of the night running down my mental punch list but then I have to leave for work which takes up 50+ hours a week.  I have been working towards the goal of hiring a cleaning company at the beginning of may to come a couple of times a month to free me up from cleaning chores so I can relax on the weekends.  The one issue was the house wasn’t cleaning company ready if that makes any sense.  This combined with the fact that I threw away the book of healthy eating this past month and there is probably no wonder my blood pressure is ridiculous.  I read online yesterday and reached out to my online ladies support group (who made me feel 1000 times better).   I decided to do what I can for the next week which is relax as much as possible and eat as cleanly as possible.   That is all I can do and hope that this was a fluke and my body reacts positively.
The day of the appointment I drove home and cried to my sister on the phone the whole way and then pulled in to the driveway to see a line of black bags along the fence.  D did the only thing he could which was exactly what I needed.  He started down my punch list.  He picked up our whole yard and also completely cleaned out our dinning room which was one of the worst in the house as far as catchall of crap.  Clearly a sign that I have chosen the right man to marry and father my child.

I knew it when I woke up that today is going to be one of those work behind closed doors days.  I have a lot to do and I am feeling very antisocial.  I am not up for chit chat today so everyone in the office will have to deal.  I am having a serious case of fat girl blues.  I washed a new pair of maternity jeans and they are feeling really tight today.   Last week they fit great and were even a little baggy. I think the tightness is contributing to my foul mood.   Hopefully, they losen up  a bit today or I might throw myself into traffic. I am into my 6th month and I just feel chubby, not cute pregnant.  I feel think through the middle and I am not liking it.  If I had a cute beachball round belly I think it would be more tolerable.  I think I need to get a few more pieces to enhance my wardrobe before I have more days like this.

Anywho, I guess if any day Monday’s are perfect to be grouchy.

A negligent blogger that is what I am.  I have had a lot going on lately most of which is work related.  I am remiss to post here about my job sans password protection .  No need to get Dooced.  It has been a roller coaster the last couple of weeks.  I have always been career minded.  This hasn’t changed with my becoming pregnant.  The anxiety of getting my work life and personal life in order pre-birth is starting to gain steam.   I have full confidence in my own abilities to get everything in order, that is what I do so it will happen. 

D and I are taking our first in a series of “baby classes” this week.  I am actually looking forward to seeing him fumbling with the demonstration dolls when they teach diapering and swaddling.  That alone is the worth the price of admission in my book.   In  all honestly I know people have different opinions on these classes.   Some feel they are a fluffy waste of money and others think they are the end all be all.  I am approaching it from a different vantage in that I think it will be beneficial for my husband and I to partake in something baby related together.  We will have fun with it together and hopefully learn a thing or two.  In other baby-related news I scored a slightly used Bugaboo Cameleon stroller from an extremely nice legal-ease couple in Cambridge.  I got it for a fraction of the cost and it is in mint condition.  I also swear that the previous owner may very well become a big name in politics some day.  His wife posted the ad and she had her husband complete the transaction.  He was very kind in taking me through all the various parts and combinations of the stoller.  He was extremely gracious took more time than most would which was not lost on me.  When he responded to my inquiry I noticed he had a blog in his auto signature.  I ofcourse read it and then realized that this is an Ivy League up and commer so I will omit his linkage from this post due to my own intellectual insecurities.  I said to D that night I think it is possible that we purchased a stroller from a future presidential candidate.  We will have to keep it as it might be worth money some day.  He just  looked at me and laughed at what he considers my pregnancy induced histrionics of late.  Cambridge and Harvard are stocked full of pretty intelligent folks but this one I have a feeling about.